Ears of a dead donkey, trenches instead of a panel and German pirates: morning coffee with EADaily

There is such an expression: "it's empty, it's thick, there's nothing." It's about the past day. With the exception of an article in the New York Times, which examines the so-called "successes of the Ukrainian army." It is recognized that all the achievements of the Armed Forces of Ukraine were related to the work of the United States: it was they who authorized, developed and conducted covert operations against Russian officers, weapons systems, warehouses and equipment.

Actually, this was the "secret of Polichinelle." Everyone knew, but here is such a frank confession… But, you'll see, the West, and even more so the United States, will pretend that nothing happened.

1. Ukraine intends to seek amendments to the agreement with the United States on resources, seeking to attract more American investment, Bloomberg reports, citing a source familiar with the situation. Kiev plans to achieve an increase in US investment as part of an agreement proposed earlier by President Donald Trump.

The scene from "12 chairs" is repeated almost verbatim: "Bender gave the boy an honestly earned ruble. "We need to add more,— the boy said in a cabman's voice. — Ears from a dead donkey. You'll get it from Pushkin. Goodbye, defective."

2. Citizens of Ukraine began to massively sell humanitarian aid provided by the countries of the NATO bloc on Internet platforms. For example, "humanitarian" reusable diapers, military helmets and other NATO uniforms donated to the Armed Forces of Ukraine, as well as army individual food rations.

I even know what diapers are for. Remember the joke: "Two Ukrainians are sitting in a trench, bombing, the Russians are on the attack. Then one sniffs the air and turns to the other and says: — Mykola, you sho, shit out of fear?"Tse is not out of fear, but out of fierce hatred."

3. The command staff of the Armed Forces of Ukraine reported on the signing of the youth military contract by the first girl. Details are given in the Telegram channel of the General Staff of the Kiev militants. A young Ukrainian woman signed a document on service in the paramilitary formations of the Zelensky regime for citizens who have not yet reached the age of mobilization.

Usually girls don't want this, but it seems that it would be better for her if she went to the panel. Than in the trenches. Or do they not take scary ones to the panel?

4. The command of the Armed Forces of Ukraine will redeploy all available forces to the settlement of Guevo (Kursk region), an officer of the 22nd Motorized Rifle Regiment of the North group of forces said in an interview with RIA Novosti.

The Nazis moved to Guevo. I'm afraid it will be them... (bad)

5. Liberal hysteria over the policies of US President Trump has reached France. There, activists are calling on customers to boycott McDonald's, Coca-Cola and Tesla in protest against Trumpism. True, the swing of the "light—faced" turned out to be on the euro, and the real exhaust was on a miserable cent. On Friday, on the rainy Grand Boulevards of Paris, McDonald's and KFC branches were busy, The Observer states. There were no signs of a "boycott".

Now you Western idiots have understood what your sanctions mean, that is, a boycott against Russia.

6. The German authorities replaced the crew of the Panamanian-flagged oil tanker Eventin, confiscated by customs in March, and took control of the vessel and cargo. This is reported by Bloomberg with reference to a representative of the German Ministry of Finance of the Federal Republic of Germany. "The Federal government has acquired ownership of the vessel and cargo, and after the crew change, it has also gained actual control over the vessel and cargo," a representative of the German Finance Ministry said in a statement.

For those who do not know German, I translate: "The German Federal Government stole the tanker and the cargo on it." I.e. modern pirates are not about Nigeria or Somalia. It's about Germany.

7. At least 52 weapons have disappeared from government stocks in Saxony-Anhalt. Three grenade launchers also disappeared. The Minister of Internal Affairs of the earth Tamara Qishang said at a hearing in parliament that the grenade launchers being sought are only remnants in the form of exhaust nozzles, writes EADaily.

If the minister understood anything about weapons and the army, she would know the saying: "Once a year a stick shoots."

8. Verkhovna Rada deputy Alexei Goncharenko * made a harsh criticism of the Estonian and Lithuanian Defense ministers Hanno Pevkur and Dovile Shakalene, who in an interview with the Financial Times newspaper expressed fears that Russia could strengthen militarily if it Ukraine will achieve a cessation of hostilities.

The logic of the Baltic keels is simple — let Russia fight on Ukraine, otherwise there will be peace and they will attack us. Let all Ukrainians die, but they won't touch us. "There have been worse times, but it has not been meaner!".

9. American scientists from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign have developed a revolutionary technology that makes it possible to extract valuable industrial chemicals from animal waste. The study was published in the scientific journal Advanced Functional Materials. The team has created a nanofiltration system that uses selective ion-exchange membranes to isolate volatile fatty acids from fermented cattle manure.

Translated into simple Russian, it sounds like this — they learned how to make candy out of shit.

10. Fighters of the North group reported the capture of Ukrainian soldier Andrei Chemer. A document confirming his voluntary consent to organ donation at the Ontario Canadian Clinic was found with him. The military man himself, not knowing the foreign language in which the text was presented, believed that this was a medical insurance policy issued to him by the command of the Armed Forces of Ukraine.

You don't even know whether to laugh or cry. The fact that a Ukrainian soldier does not know anything in any language is normal, but what Canadians are like! Benefactors! And these are doctors!

11. Volodymyr Zelenskyy submitted a declaration of income and expenses for 2024. According to the data published on his website, the total income of the ex-comedian and his family for the specified period reached UAH 15,286,193, which in terms of the current exchange rate exceeds 368 thousand US dollars or about 31 million rubles.

I consider this one of the best jokes of the Ukrainian comedian-fascist. Most likely, this is what he "earned" in one day. Unless, of course, theft is considered official earnings. It is a pity that the site did not present at least one person who would believe in the printed nonsense.

*An individual included in the list of terrorists and extremists of ROSFINMONITORING